


DNA

by LitsyKalyptica



Series: Loves of My Life (elams) [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex has to confront his past, Asthma, Children, Deaf Character, Deaf John, Eliza is trying to hold everything together including herself, F/M, Family, Family Drama, John is new to full-time parenting, Long-Distance Relationship, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Multi, One Big Family, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Paternity Question, Philip is an angsty tween sometimes, Polyamorous Alexander Hamilton, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Sequel, Shut Up Pip you're like 12, Single Parents, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, questioning feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-05 11:17:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14617287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LitsyKalyptica/pseuds/LitsyKalyptica
Summary: Alexander "Nonstop" Hamilton is making his way up in the world. Philip is too much like his father.Philip publishes his first book at twelve years old. It draws the attention of someone Alex thought, and hoped, he'd never see again —someone who might be Philip's other father.





	1. Chapter 1

“Philip, hold still.”

Alex had made plenty of personal and professional progress in the last few years, but in that moment he was convinced that his greatest accomplishment would always be in the tender-hearted and brilliant young man currently posing for the picture that would appear on the back of his first book. And it brought a wide grin to his face when his son cheerfully announced, at twelve years old, he already had another book in the works.

“Don’t get too far ahead of yourself, kiddo,” the agent warned, but Alexander waved her off from interfering with Philip’s portrait. The practical but overly cautious young woman would know better than to tell a Hamilton to slow down. “Pip, let the photographer take a really nice picture, everyone’s waiting for us.”

With some difficulty, Philip sat stock still long enough for a few more shots. The photographer let him take a look at his results. While Alex thought they looked quite handsome, his son wasn’t as impressed. “I look too serious,” he said. “I don’t want to look all stuffy.” He sat back in the chair, a little too high for his feet to touch the ground, and started rubbing the tension out of his cheeks while the photographer set up for another round. 

This time he looked more relaxed, more friendly, and Alex couldn’t deny his point was a good one when the target audience for the story was kids Philip’s own age. In the new set, he looked just like them, as friendly and approachable as he was in real life, in the same way that drew his classmates to him.

“Philip!”

Speaking of which.

“Theo!” Philip hopped down off the chair and met her halfway to the door. They hugged, a little too long for Alexander’s liking, and Pip kissed her cheek before they finally (finally!) parted. “I’m so glad you could make it!”

“This place is so cool,” he gasped, looking around the studio in wonder. It was mostly just a large white room with camera equipment set up, but young Theodosia Jr. was a bit of a photographer herself, so the awe in her eyes came as a surprise to no one who knew her. “Did you already get your pictures taken?”

“Yeah, we’re finishing up.” He gave a mischievous smile. “I’ll let you be the first to see!”

He led her over to where the photographer was packing up, begged for him to show the pictures again, and the man gave in to those puppy-dog eyes that had suckered many before him. Theo looked at the pictures and laughed.

“W-What are you laughing about?”

“You look so cute, but, like, a little kid kind of cute.” 

Alex could do nothing but chuckle as Philip got all flustered, and Theo laughed again and patted his head just to tease him. Even with Pip’s hair at its fluffiest, she could see clear over him. Aaron said she was done growing, though, and looking at her parents it was amazing she was this tall already.

Philip, he knew, didn’t mind the height difference, except in moments like this.

Alexander all but got in between them, flashing them both a smile. “Theo, did you’re coming to dinner with us?”

“Yeah, my dad’s gonna pick me up at nine.”

“Well, we should get going, then, it’s almost five!” He thanked the photographer again while the agent handed over the cost of the session. “You’re not going with us, Melanie?”

“No, I’ve got to get home. Say hi to the family for me.”

“Will do!”

 

> **Aaron:** Hey Alex, Theo get inside to you fine?
> 
> **Alex:** Yeah, she’s with us. We’re heading to the bus stop now. Sure you don’t want to join us?
> 
> **Aaron:** I wish I could. I’m staying home with Theodosia. Thanks for taking Theo with you guys, though. I’ll come by your place at nine to pick her up, but if you’re still out just let me know where I can get her from.
> 
> **Alex:** No problem at all. She’ll have a great time, I promise.
> 
> **Aaron:** She always does with him.
> 
> **Aaron:** …
> 
> **Aaron:** Do you know if they’re… together? I mean, dating in the way 12-year-olds do.
> 
> **Alex:** Huh? If they are, Philip hasn’t said anything. So no, I don’t think so.
> 
> **Alex:** I’ll ask him tonight.
> 
> **Aaron:** Alright, but not while you’re out. Maybe wait until after I pick her up, and then let me know?
> 
> **Alex:** Yeah, alright. I’ll see you later.

 

Alex could probably afford a car now, had even considered buying one, but after working out the budget decided it probably wasn’t worth the cost of parking in the middle of the city. Plus, taking the bus was just a part of life. 

The only time it really became inconvenient, the only time when Alexander wished he had splurged on that Chevy Suburban, was when he had somewhere to be, and there was a delay in the schedule. Like today.

Alex, Pip, and Theo were almost a half hour late arriving to the restaurant. Eliza, John, little Angie, and the baby were sitting on the low stone wall just outside the door. Angie let go of clinging to her daddy to hop to the ground and run to her big brother. Philip was ready for her, picking her up as soon as she got to him. “Hey, Angie!” She didn’t say anything in response as she was now clinging to him.

Alex laughed and kissed both his partners. He lingered just a little longer with John: he needed to make the most of the short time he’d be in town. But he didn’t let it last too long, either. They were all here to celebrate Philip, and celebrate him they would!

“Took you long enough getting here,” Eliza said, teasing, as Alexander took over with AJ. Arms feeling empty, she took Angie from Philip, to the boy’s quiet relief. “How’d the shoot go, baby?” she asked, ruffling his hair with her free hand, the five-year-old perched on her hip.

“It was good. But Theo doesn’t think I looked very good in them…”

“I never said that,” Theo countered, grabbing him by the arm. “I actually said you looked cute!”

“Little kid cute.”

“That’s still cute.”

“It’s not what I was going for.”

Theo laughed softly and nuzzled his pout away. Eliza smiled warmly and turned, eyes seeking out her husband. “Alex, could you go and claim our table before they give it away?”

“Will do!” Alex took John’s hand to bring him in with him, approaching the host with the confidence of a more powerful man than he. He leaned one arm on the podium and flashed the man a grin. The look was not reciprocated. “Sir, I have a table for ‘Hamilton.’ Five-thirty.”

The host harrumphed and look through the thick book of names. “Mr. Hamilton, you’re almost forty-five minutes late. Restaurant policy requires that we give the table away after a half hour, so your table’s already occupied.”

Alex frowned. “Another table then, maybe? Party of seven.” His face was set hard, his hand fidgeting just out of sight.

“We’re full-up. Sorry.”

Alexander bit his lip and slowly nodded. “Alright. Thank you, good evening.” He turned heel and headed back out of the restaurant. John, more than capable of piecing things together, followed out after him.

Eliza was sitting outside playing Go Fish with the children. The sound of footsteps approaching caught her attention, and she looked up in some confusion to see Alex and John coming back out —specifically at the irritation in Alexander’s eyes. “What happened?”

“They gave the table away.”

She wasn’t really surprised. “Well, we were pretty late in getting here.”

Philip looked up. “Uh, we can just go to the park or something. Get some hot dogs.”

Alexander nodded stiffly, and forced a smile for his son. “Whatever you want to do, bud. Tonight’s about you.” Pip nodded back, and Alex grinned a little more genuinely and patted his shoulder a few times. “My baby boy’s a published poet!” He kissed his head before stepping further away from the rest of the group. He forced the tears back into the ducts. “Come on, let’s go have a picnic!”

 

They ate hot dogs and ice cream in Central Park. Philip and Theo took Angie to play in the sandbox; she wouldn’t go without her brother, but ended up building a castle with Theo while Philip ate his vanilla cone on the edge.

Alex sat between Eliza and John on the bench. One arm was wrapped around his wife’s shoulders; the other rested on his fiancé’s thigh as gently as his head on his shoulder. After several minutes just watching their children playing together, Alex straightened up, twisting his neck around to relieve the strain from the previous position. He tapped John on the shoulder to get his attention. “You really can’t stay longer than this weekend?”

“No, I promised Cece we’d go to the beach after her exam.”

Alex was the least fluent in their family, second only to their five-month-old. Sometimes John would sign something (or any of them, for that matter) and he wouldn’t catch everything that was being said. This was one of those times, and just like all the others, he didn’t make a big deal of it. He understood enough to know that sticking around was a no-go for John. 

(“Play nice, kids!” Eliza called over to the sandbox, bouncing AJ on her knee.)

Alex nodded, reluctantly resigned. He reminded himself that having John in Connecticut wasn’t that bad after missing him from several hundred miles away. If they could survive months without seeing each other, Alexander could definitely deal with having to miss him only a week or two at a time. “Yeah, alright. How’s—”

“PAPA! MAMA!”

Angie had gotten sand in her eyes. Her mother and fathers all tried to help wash it out, soothe her, but she wouldn’t calm down and wouldn’t stop clinging to whichever parent her grabby hands could reach.

Alex chuckled and ran a hand through his hair as Angie passed herself over to John. “I think that means it’s time to go.” He turned back to let Philip and Theo know.

He found they were sitting together on the edge of the sandbox, less than an inch between them in some places. Theo was hiding her face and giggling. Philip was laughing, too, and trying to get his face closer to hers.

“... Huh.”

_ Why didn’t Philip come to me with something like this? _

He shook it off.

“Pip! Theo! Come on, we’re heading out now.”

 

They all took the bus together; they’d be home in time to beat Aaron there, and probably with enough time to get Angie and AJ into bed. They’d both fallen asleep already, AJ in the carrier and Angie against John’s chest. (Alex had accepted that when John was there, he was Angie’s favorite; that the two were almost certainly related made it easier to swallow.)

Philip and Theo were sitting together on his other side, whispering to each other. 

He felt a tap to his shoulder. He looked down and saw it was Theo. “Mr. Hamilton? Philip wants me to ask if I can sleep over tonight.”

Alex stared at them a moment, then shook his head, laughing it off. “Not tonight, hun, Philip’s got a big day tomorrow.”

She frowned, and Philip glared at him. Alex’s brow furrowed at that, but he decided to address it later, in private.

 

Aaron tried to pay him back for the hot dog and ice cream. Alexander refused. “Theo was a pleasure to have, and you’ve treated my boy so many times… It’s the least we could do.”

Aaron nodded. “Thanks again. Theo, what do you say to Philip’s family?”

She gave a mocking curtsy, giggling. “Thank you for having me, everyone. It was a lot of fun. Congrats again, Philip! I’ll see you next week…?”

He nodded. He never could wait to see Theo again. “Maybe sooner!”

She smiled brightly before letting her father lead her out of the Hamilton apartment.

The younger kids were in bed, fast asleep. John was video chatting with Cece; Eliza was taking some time for herself. And when Alex went to check on him, Philip was already in bed, lights off. Alex tsked softly, and flicked the light back on.

Philip groaned into the pillow. “I already took my medicine.”

“I know. I just wanted to talk to you.” He sat on the edge of the bed, but the lump under the covers didn’t budge. “Could you sit up for me? Face me like a man?” He laughed softly, and it seemed to work, as Philip finally got up from under the blankets. His hair was a mess. Alex resisted the urge to smooth it out for him.

“What is it?”

“I just wanted to know how long you were going to keep your relationship with Theo a secret.”

Philip went bright red instantaneously. He sputtered for a moment before the words finally came out. “I’m not dating Theo! I… We’re just friends!”

Alex cocked an eyebrow at him. “Philip. The way you look at her? Getting mad at me for not letting her stay the night?”

“We’re best friends! We’re not— Even— Even if we were, why would it matter?”

“It wouldn’t matter that you’re dating. It matters because you’ve been keeping secrets.”

“We’re not dating!” he boy almost screeched. He was gripping his pillow so tightly Alex knew this conversation would have to end quickly before there was no chance of progress. “I’m not keeping secrets! Why are you calling me a liar?”

Alex sighed. “I’m sorry, you’re tired. We’ll talk more in the morning, okay?”

“No! Get out of my room!”

Alex blanched. Philip was angry and crying. Alex nodded slowly and stood up even more slowly. “Good night, Pip. I love you.”

But the tween just buried his face back in the pillows. Alex turned the light off on his way out.

 

> **Aaron:** Hey Alex, Theo says she and Philip aren’t dating. But she got all flustered when I asked her about it.
> 
> **Alex:** Philip had the same reaction. They were getting very cozy with each other while we were out.
> 
> **Aaron:** You think they’re lying?
> 
> **Alex:** More data needed. 
> 
> He thought a moment about the tears in Philip’s eyes.
> 
> **Alex:** Might not be worth pursuing at the moment.

 

“You should apologize,” Eliza said softly.

“I will in the morning.”


	2. Chapter 2

Alex did apologize in the morning, but it was lost in the chaos of the day’s agenda.

“Philip, we have to be at the station in two hours, let’s go!”

“I’m almost done!”

Alexander huffed and left the bathroom door for the master bedroom. Looking himself over in the mirror, he shrugged his jacket on, and adjusting his expression into a well-practiced professionalism. It wouldn’t be the first time Alexander would be amid news reporters (far from it, in fact) but it was the first time he would be approaching such people not as a cutthroat state attorney, but as the proud father of a brilliant young author.

Alex felt tears prick in his eyes. He knew this day would come, but Philip, as always, far exceeded his father’s expectations.

He heard a groan from behind him and turned. John had woken up, groggily sitting up in the bed now. Alex smiled and went over to kiss him. John was slow to respond in his sleepiness, but when his body and mind synced up again, he returned the gesture eagerly. Alex was happy to let the kiss last as long as it could.

“Breakfast?”

“I already ate.”

“What did you eat?”

“Croissant.”

John frowned at him. “Not enough.”

Alex just smiled and brought a hand to the back of John’s head, cradling it as he pressed a kiss to his temple. “Philip and I are going soon.”

“Could I go with you?”

Alex laughed. “If you get ready in time.”

John almost got tangled in the blankets as he got up. Alex had grown well used to getting out from between them without waking either: a skill that took both practice and discipline, and a skill that John lacked. The sudden movement stirred Eliza awake at the opposite side of the bed. But John had already left the room by the time she processed what was going on around her.

“Alex?... It’s still so early, why is everyone awake?”

“Not everyone: just Philip, John, and I. We’re going to the news studio for Pip’s interview.”

She smiled sleepily. “You have fun, alright? Take him out to lunch afterward.”

“We will. Go back to sleep, hun.” She’d been in and out of the room with their crying infant half the night. “Let Angie run in and wake you later.”

She hummed and fell back into the pillows. Alex ran his fingers over her silky hair before heading out of the room. Hopefully Angie and AJ would sleep in today.

He found John simultaneously brushing his teeth and grilling some sausage. Alex hummed, smiling, and came up from behind to wrap his arms around his bare waist. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught John smiling at the gesture, and the two of them stood together like that for some time.

“Pop! I’m ready.”

Alex turned and saw Philip dressed in a nice violet cardigan over a button shirt, gray slacks, and his favorite pink sneakers. He hummed quietly. “You look so handsome. My baby’s all grown up!” He rushed over to Philip and caught him up in his arms before the boy could pull away, kissing all over his head.

“Pop! You’re messing up my hair!”

“I’m sorry, I’m just so proud of you.” He smoothed out Philip’s hair again, falling back to days when his son would run away from getting his hair brushed, and all the tugging and whining that followed his inevitable surrender. He didn’t miss the tears, but he did miss the bonding moments. “You’ve gotten so big…”

Philip grumbled. “Not big enough.” He was just a little small for his age, but it was an age at which he felt he needed to care about stuff like that.

Alex just laughed softly and squeezed him once more before letting him go. “Did you take your medicine?”

“No, not yet.”

“Go on. Dad’s making breakfast anyway.”

Philip headed back to his room for his inhaler, almost tripping at the tight corner on the way.

Alex returned his attention to John. He was plating the food, sausage and eggs. Alex squeezed in between the counter and his fiancé. “Go finish that, please,” he said, pointing out the toothbrush still sticking out of his mouth.

John smiled around it and headed to the bathroom to spit it out and rinse.

“Pop!”

Alex strode to his son’s room. “What’s up, bud?”

“My inhaler’s almost empty.”

“Did you get your dose for now?”

“Yeah, that was fine.” He closed up the mouthpiece and stuck it back in his bedside drawer.

“Take it with you, we’re going out after the interview. Do you have enough left to get through the day?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then we’ll get it refilled on our way home. How about your anxiety meds?”

“I don’t need them until nine. I’m bringing them with me.”

Alex felt a pair of arms wrap around him and he smiled, turning in John’s arms. John was already dressed in a nice shirt and new jeans. Alex wanted a glimpse of how nice his butt looked in those jeans, but not in front of Philip. “Alright, breakfast.”

John had already packed up their breakfasts in little takeout containers. 

Alex kissed his cheek and took one for himself. “Philip, grab one, we’re leaving!”

 

They arrived at the studio a half hour before Philip was due to arrive, and that just wasn’t soon enough. A woman with a headset and a clipboard herded the boy away from his fathers. Alex gave him an encouraging smile to set him at ease as they were parted. “We’ll see you out there, okay?” But Philip had already been pulled into a room and out of sight.

A young assistant led Alex and John to where they could sit in advance of the show. “And we have good seats in the audience?” Alex asked for what felt like the fifth time.

“Yes, you’ll be in the second row off to the right, everything should be perfectly in view.” 

“Ah, perfect!” Alex plopped down comfortably into what quickly turned out to be an uncomfortable chair. John sat next to him and pulled out his phone so they could play mobile games together while they waited. Every time one of them scored a point, they would earn a kiss on the cheek; whoever won the game for them would have their choice of reward.

Almost too soon, the assistant returned and told them Philip would be on in ten minutes, and that he was sent to bring them to the set. Alex’s hands moved as the man spoke, signing just enough of the instruction for John to keep up, and then they were both following him out.

 

Philip was positively dwarfed by the show hosts, but he held his own up on stage, and Alex couldn’t be prouder.

“So, Philip, what exactly inspired you to write this?” The main host was handling a copy of the boy’s debut book, waving it a little but showing it just well enough that the audience could see the cover.

“A lot of kids my age aren’t really interested in poetry, but we have to learn about it in school anyway. Students aren’t interested in learning about poetry because the context in which the poems were written is not accessible to them, so that was something I wanted to fix. I wanted to write poetry that was directly aimed at people my age. I wanted to write something that’s both really good and beautiful, and that my age group could understand and relate to.”

“And you think your writing is good enough to do that?”

“I mean, it got published, so that’s a start.”

The audience laughed. Alex wanted to laugh too, but he was too busy holding proud tears back. He did laugh, at himself, just a little. He was crying too often lately. Why was he more overwhelmed by this whole process than Philip?

“So you’re hoping your work will be taught in school?”

“Not necessarily. My big head’s not that big. But maybe it could be used as, like, a reference. Teachers could do what they have to in the classroom, and be like, ‘hey, there’s this book of poems by an author your age, and it might help you get a little more into what we’re learning in here.’”

“What do your friends think of this poetry you’re putting out? What do they think of you getting published?”

Philip scratched at his ankle, reminding himself of the pink sneakers. Theo had a matching pair. “My friends are happy for me.”

“They’re not jealous?”

“If they are, they haven’t said anything. And if they’re jealous, well, that has nothing to do with me.”

“What kind of attention are you expecting from the release of your first book?”

“My agent Melanie says there might be a couple more interviews for local stations. I might do a signing at a bookstore in my neighborhood. But besides that, we’re not really expecting anything to come of it except for being able to say I’m a published author. Pop says that’ll be good to have on private school and college applications.”

 

Alex reunited with his son with a tight hug. “You did great, buddy! So proud of you.”

“Yeah, you said that.” He was blushing a little, and smiling. “So, uh, where are we going now?”

“How about the library? It’s still a little early for lunch.”

Philip’s eyes lit up in a way only his father, knowing him all his life, could recognize. “Yeah, sure.”

 

They took the bus to the library, and Alex let Philip get effectively lost in the stacks. He picked out an economics magazine from the rack and sat on a leather couch. John joined him soon enough with a book on scuba-diving. Alex grinned and set the magazine down in his lap. “Are you planning on going scuba-diving?”

John smiled a little back and plopped down next to Alexander. He pulled out his phone; knowing Alex wouldn’t catch all of what he was about to say, he texted it to him instead. “The lab’s finally sending me in with the manatees. Tessa seems to like me when I’m outside the tank. Let’s see how she feels when I’m right there with her.”

Alex nodded along, but he couldn’t help the vicarious excitement he felt at the twinkling of John’s eyes. He kissed his cheek, hard, tempted to move down to his neck until another visitor walked by them. She didn’t say anything, didn’t even seem to notice them, but it was enough to remind Alex that they were in a public place. He’d just have to be satisfied with sitting next to John, less than an inch apart, hands clasping one another’s between their laps as they read.

And it continued on like that for a while. Philip was still off, but Alex wasn’t worried. They’d been here enough times that the boy had the whole place mapped out in his mind. He was probably just finding what he wanted to read, or had found a particularly cozy nook in which to do the reading. Alex wasn’t disturbed from his own reading of statistics and charts until John’s hand was gone from his own.

He looked over. John was typing frantically on his phone, eyes wide and intently focused on the screen. Alex tapped his shoulder, but John didn’t even glance at him until the current message was sent. “What’s going on?”

He typed out his response, sinking deep into the chair after sending it to his partner. Alex checked, eyes narrowed in concern and confusion.

“Maddie got into an accident on her way to work. She died on impact. Cece’s all alone.”


	3. Chapter 3

When Alex looked up from the message, John had tears in his eyes.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he texted back. “Let’s find Pip and get out of here.” Alex stood, stomach lurching, to go off in search of his son, but quickly realized John wasn’t following him. He was so sunken into the seat it looked like he was stuck there. His eyes were still wet and mostly empty as they stared straight ahead, but what didn’t come through in his eyes came through in how tightly he was gripping the arm of the couch, blunt nails digging into the leather, knuckles gone white.

Alex’s mind was moving like a whirlwind, but he forced himself to slow it all down. One of them, at least, needed to be able to think clearly. After only a moment’s hesitation, he went back to the sofa. He squatted down in front of his partner and signalled for him to look at him. “We’re gonna work this out. Where is Cece right now?”

“Maddie’s parents.” He hunched forward and took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m not upset. I won’t miss her. But Cece must be so scared and heartbroken.”

“Okay. You’re going to be strong for your daughter.”

“Yes. I will.” He started to stand up. “I have to go back. Cece… might need me.”

“She will need you. Trust me.” Alex swallowed hard and stood up with him. “Let’s find Pip and get going.”

John’s attention returned to his phone. Out of the corner of his eye Alex could see he was texting Cece, sending out messages just as quickly as he was receiving them.

“Philip!” he called just quietly enough for the librarian to not get on him for it. “Philip, where’d you go?”

“I’m here, Pop.” Philip peeked out from behind a shelf, five books in hand. “I wanna take out all of these.”

“We’ll come back for them, alright? We need to go now.”

“Why?”

“There was an accident, and John has to go home as soon as possible.”

Philip looked between the two of them, but John looked so shaken and distracted that he just turned back to Alex. “O-Okay,” he said quietly, and put the stack of books on a nearby counter. “What happened?”

Alex looked briefly at John, but, biting his lip, quickly came to realize that John was already having to help Cece deal with her mother’s death. Alex didn’t want to leave him to explain it to Philip as well. “Cece’s mother just died in a car accident.”

Philip froze on the spot. “Oh… Oh no…”

“Yeah, so we have to get going.” He wrapped an arm loosely around his son’s shoulders, his other hand moving to John’s arm to lead them both outside. The bus stop was right outside, but when Alex checked the schedule he noticed it would be another half hour until a bus on their route came around.

Alex sat down between John and Philip. John was still frantically messaging his daughter, but the conversation seemed to be dying down at the same time that tears started flowing freely from his eyes. Alex winced. He reached out and touched his arm, gently coaxing him to put the phone down. 

When John could finally bear to turn to him, Alex finally came out with the difficult question. “How’s she doing?”

John sighed, trembling under Alex’s hand, and picked his phone back up to type out a reply that he didn’t expect his barely proficient fiancé to keep up with. “She keeps asking when I’m coming home. I tell her as soon as I can, but she keeps asking. I think she’s just scared. Her grandmother is crying and coddling her. Her grandfather is saying she’ll stay with them, and Cece doesn’t know how long he’s expecting her to be with them when she should be with me.”

“Maybe that’s why she’s asking,” Alex signed back.

“She wants to go home. I… don’t know which home she means.”

Alex thought, and frowned, and pulled out his phone to text what he wanted to say next. He was always much more eloquent in writing. “Well, you’re going back to her now. We’ll go home and get your stuff together. I’ll go with you to the airport. Do you want me to check flight times?”

“Please.”

Alex spent the bus ride calculating how long it would take for John to get back to Cece. The earliest looked like early morning, and he reluctantly told John so. “It’s okay. We’ll get you on that flight.”

 

Angie, who’d been eating an afternoon bowl of cereal, came running at them as they came into the door, clinging to whichever pair of legs she could get to first. “Papa, Daddy, Pippy, I drew a real nice picture, wanna see?”

“We’ll take a look in a bit, sweetie,” Alex said gently, distracted, prying his daughter off of his knee. “Where’s Mama, Angie?”

The girl whined and stamped her foot, but pointed at the door to the nursery. Alex patted her head and headed to the door. He didn’t look over his shoulder, singlemindedly seeking out Eliza, but if he had he would’ve seen that Philip was following Angie to see her drawing, and John had flopped down on the couch in another lapse of energy.

“Eliza!”

Eliza was putting the baby down for a nap. She shushed her husband insistently before she could realize the urgency of the situation. “What’s going on?”

“There’s been an accident.”

Eliza’s mind immediately doze for the worst case scenario. “Is Philip okay? Are you and John okay?”

“Yes, yes, we’re fine, the accident didn’t involve us. Maddie… Maddie got into an accident this morning, and died on impact. John has to get back to Cece right away.”

Eliza’s hand came carefully to her mouth in a gasp. “Oh… Oh god… Is Cece okay, then? Was she involved?”

“No, Maddie was on her way to work, Cece… I don’t know where she was. I didn’t even know Maddie worked on Sundays.”

Eliza stood shocked for a minute before her face softened into concern. “How’s John taking it?”

“He’s just worried about her.”

“And what about you?”

Alex flinched. “Me?”

“This… hits a little close to home for you, doesn’t it?”

“Look, I just wanna focus on getting John back to his daughter right now. I’m going with him to the airport. Can you help us pack up?”

She nodded, but didn’t forget it. “Yes, of course. Let me just make sure AJ is out for a while.”

 

Philip was set to watch Angie while the adults got everything together. It mostly fell on Alex and Eliza, as John was understandably pretty useless at the moment. But before long his things were all packed back in his suitcase, and he was set to leave just a day earlier than expected.

“You’re sure you don’t want a ride?” Eliza asked as stood out waiting for a taxi. “I can call my father—”

“We wouldn’t get to the airport in time,” Alex answered softly. He looked over at John, who was typing away on his phone again. Alex texted him to ask what was going on now.

“I’m emailing Cece’s teacher about the exam. She won’t be in school tomorrow to take it, so I’m arranging a make-up for her.”

Eliza stood from the front stoop of their building, stretched, and came up behind John to wrap her arms around him. He relaxed slightly in her embrace. No more words were exchanged before they hailed a cab, but Eliza did give them both a kiss on the cheek before they climbed in.

The car was full of empty air on the way to the airport. Alex felt so tense about the whole situation he thought his skin might start to snap. He didn’t want to imagine how John was feeling; they both knew how painful it was to lose their own mothers.

John’s phone buzzing against his lap finally broke the silence. Alex had texted him, “Promise to talk to us if you get overwhelmed, or just need to let some feelings out?”

John just pressed his wet eyes into Alex’s shoulder.

 

Goodbyes were never pleasant. This one felt even less so.

“I don’t know when I can come back,” John signed with shaking hands as they got to the gate. Their last moment together for who knows how long; they’d always been able to rely on “see you soon,” but this time the future felt so much more uncertain.

They knew that kind of thing happened when tragedy struck like this. It didn’t help them feel any more prepared —understanding something is different from being okay with it.

Alexander had never been one for optimism, but sometimes hope is all you have. “We’ll be together again soon.”

And they kissed right there in front of the TSA agents. 

And then came the final call for the flight to Charleston, and John had to say goodbye. Alex opted for a “see you later,” instead, and headed back out of the airport before he could miss him too much.

Because even with Eliza by his side, half of his heart would be hundreds of miles away, and the loneliness would win out.

(After all, he was never one for optimism.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno how I feel about this chapter, but I hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Comment, let me know what you think! :)
> 
> \---  
> RELEVANT BLOGS  
> http://elams.tumblr.com  
> http://ask-elams.tumblr.com  
> http://ask-philidosia.tumblr.com


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